Sometimes some scars are too deep to heal from that we start to cater to them as if they were a plant and we are the rain. Before we know we have created a cancer that deeply rooted and killing us slowly.
“Attention is expensive to pay, I can’t get by on minimum wage. Been dealing with this venomous rage, since I was under the age, I’ve been under the influence of pain.”-Jhene Aiko
For most of my life I have dealt with depression but I hidden it deep down inside and never really accepted it until recently where things literally hit the fans and my depression surfaced in so many negative situations that could`ve seen me end my life. I have been burnt so many times this year that shit was too much, I could easily seen myself literally floating away and releasing all of this pain but I am blessed to have some good friends who have can I help me accept depression for what it is but not let it have so much power over me because when dealing with limiting situations those are nothing more than test, falling and passing doesn`t matter it`s about pushing forward and learning unseen lessons that show themselves later on in life. Depression won`t get the best of me again and destroy my reality and dreams I want to achieve and a life I want to live, I just need started living.
“I`m in no need for love it`s not for me because there`s no trust in love..” Some scars are so deep that we keep them closely to our hearts to shield away people who want to come in and help us heal but you fear that they would cause more damage instead of healing. But we owe it to ourselves to take back our lives from past experiences and just learn from them not dwell in them that we end up living a life of fear of loving nor living a better life filled with pure joy.
I`m slowly approaching the age of 25 years old, which is an age that I never thought I would reach for obvious reasons, “a black life nowadays gets shot down like it`s nothing” but I want to take this time to reflect on my growth and overcoming fear of becoming myself. When I was younger I always knew deep down that I was different from the rest of the kids in my class but fear of self acceptance was heavy as hell on my heart that I had to hide deeper and deeper within myself that I become someone who was extremely numb.